ANNONYMUS TRADIE

Tradie has been working away FIFO lately but this trip home to Darwin is different, this time Tradie has to attend a wedding. Now weddings and marriage are hot topics at the moment due to our brothers and sisters wanting to marry whomever they choose, so thanks to Tradies extensive experience on the subject, it’s time for a lesson in the history of a marriage, Tradie style.

Having been married twice, Tradie reckons he knows a thing or two about being incarcerated within those shackled confines of monogamous bliss. Tradies first wife died, His second one refuses to. Not that we can blame the poor girls for wanting to escape the institution, we’re not referring to the traditional relationship, we’re referring to the padded wall Institution that is our home now. My advice to young people when they ask Tradie if they should propose is, ‘Think of the future’. When said love-struck newbies ask, ‘ Why? What’s it like to be married?’ Tradie tells them to leave him alone. Then shortly thereafter Tradie asks them why they are ignoring him. That’s kinda what it’s like to be married he says.
Tradie has found to have a harmonious lifestyle its best to compromise with the Missus. Tradie admits he is wrong and Mrs Tradie agrees with him. Which seems to make her happy. Not that we weren’t happy before. We were happy for Twenty years… and then we met. Now don’t get him wrong, “the Tradies” are surprisingly happily married. Mrs Tradie is happy, and Mr Tradie is married.
Before he started jotting down dot points for his article, Tradie decided a bit of research was the go. He looked up every statistic he could find. It was on the Internet, so it must be true. He read that apparently 11,458,257 Australians are satisfied with their marriage at present. Now tradie is no genius, but shouldn’t that be an EVEN number? Anyway, he read that Marriage is the main cause of divorce, Every married man should forget his mistakes because it’s no use two people remembering the same thing and lastly, Divorce is so very expensive because it’s worth it.
There are so many decisions to make when a bloke is married. The other day Mrs Tradie was outside yelling through the front door and Trade Dog was at the back door barking. Tradie had to decide which one to let in. He chose Trade Dog because at least he knew Trade Dog would shut up once he got inside.
If only Tradie could actually verbalize or enact any of these misogynist thoughts that run through his head. Alas, Tradie knows the real secret to true happiness. That truth is to make Mrs Tradie feel wanted and appreciated. Mrs Tradie doesn’t need a flash car, the ute is good enough for her. She doesn’t long for big diamonds, she is happy if Tradie brings a load of rocks home for the landscaping around her new garden. He gives her a little pat on the leg just to let her know hes there when they’re out to dinner and he tries to remember to always tell her she is pretty. What’s a little white lie between friends, eh?
He always sends her a text message if he is at the pub with his mates. It reads, “Hun, I’ll be home in twenty minutes…in case I’m not home in twenty minutes, please re-read this text message. You’re the best!”
And that, Darwin Tradie Apprentices, is the secret to a happy marriage. Good luck out there and marry whomever you like, except your pet Duck. (It’s not all it’s quacked up to be)
– Anonymous Tradie